He doesn't get it. Why I message him so much. It's not because I'm desperate, it's just, I miss him sometimes you know? He's my best friend. In my heart I wish there may even be a little more then that, but I know it can never be... he would never want me in that way and it is blatantly clear... it's so clear it hurts.
I do message him a lot, but it's just because when he messages me I smile. I rarely smile these days, I fake smile, but when he messages me I feel warmth. However he calls me persistent. I'm sure it's not a bad thing, but after the number of times he says it I'm worried he thinks I'm an unstable, clingy, emotional child. I have issues... but when I talk to him or even be with him they almost seem to melt away.
But I can't let my heart get in the way of things because it's either going to be broken again or it's going to cause a lot of trouble. I mean he has a girlfriend! but he says he let his head make the decision for him and ignored his heart.... However as much as I would like to believe I have a shot with him, I don't. I know I don't.... He likes someone else and I can see it... I even tried to be like her in the chances that he may like me better as a friend, I don't want to lose him.... that's the last thing I want... but all chances of thinking a dream and a simple minded fantasy could become reality are useless. Life isn't a movie. Someone falling for their best friend isn't a good thing no matter what anyone says.... It doesn't matter though because I'm not good enough for him anyway....
I can't let go. It drives me insane, but I find it almost impossible to go a day without speaking to him.
It's infuriating... *sigh*
Peace out bloggers,
Irish_Heart605
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